Pastors Go Postal

For heartsick former supporters of John Edwards, this week offers an edifying tabloid alternative: the civil trial of Victoria Osteen, wife of megachurch minister and televangelist Joel Osteen, for assaulting a flight attendant. The issue was what is sometimes described as a “spill” and sometimes as a “stain” on the armrest of Mrs. Osteen’s first class seat, which the flight attendant refused to clean up with sufficient alacrity because she was busy assisting others board. Although there is no evidence that the spill consisted of tuberculosis-ridden phlegm or avian flu-rich bird poop, Osteen was mightily pissed, allegedly pushing and punching the flight attendant and making such a ruckus that the Osteen family had to be removed from the flight.

I would be more sympathetic to the flight attendant, Sharon Brown, if she weren’t demanding 10 percent of Osteen’s fortune to compensate for injuries including a “loss of faith” and hemorrhoids somehow incurred from a frontal assault. But it isn’t easy being a flight attendant in this era of layoffs, pay cuts and packed planes – certainly not compared to being a millionaire on her way to Vail. Whatever dubious substance Victoria Osteen faced on that first class armrest, she should have been able to derive some serenity from the fact that the church she co-pastors draws 40,000 worshippers a week and that her husband has been dubbed “America’s Most Influential Christian.”

Just another celebrity meltdown set off by insufficiently servile servers? Recall Russell Crowe’s 2005 assault with a telephone on a SoHo hotel clerk, or Naomi Campbell’s attacks with similar weapons –cell phone and Blackberry-- on members of her own staff. But there’s a curious antecedent here that Christians would do well to ponder: In 1997, another megachurch pastor and leading televangelist – Robert Schuller – was prosecuted for an eerily similar first class tantrum.

Schuller, like the Osteens, is a proponent of positive thinking – the doctrine that God intends for you to be rich, healthy and generally “great” right here in this life. While politicos have focused on the Christian Right, there’s been far less attention to the fast growing brand of Christianity Light, also represented by televangelists Joyce Meyer, Benny Hinn and Creflo Dollar. Positive thinking is the theology of the modern megachurch, and it avoids all mention of sin –including the “sins” of abortion and homosexuality – lest such “negative” topics turn off any potential converts or “seekers.” Its promise is that you can have anything you want simply by “visualizing” it or, as Osteen puts it, “believing for it” -- a doctrine derided by some Christian critics as “name it and claim it.”

Schuller faced a different biohazard on his first class flight in ’97 – cheese. When the flight attendant gave him a fruit and cheese plate for dessert, Schuller insisted that the cheese be removed. The flight attendant refused, explaining, reasonably enough, that all the fruit had been plated with cheese and could be contaminated, from a cheese- allergy sufferer’s point of view . But the pastor was simply on a low-fat diet and did not want to see the cheese on his plate, so he got out of his seat and accosted the flight attendant, shaking him violently by the shoulders. Schuller ended up paying an $1100 fine and undergoing six months of police supervision.

In the theology of Christian positive thinking, “everything happens for a reason.” The Osteens may conclude that the divine intention was to prod them into to emulating Joyce Meyers and Creflo Dollar by investing in a private jet. But there’s another possible message from on high: that this brand of Christianity fosters a distinctly un-Christian narcissism.

Consider the ways the Lord works in the life of the Osteens, as recounted in Joel’s book Your Best Life Now, which has sold four million copies and is graced by a back cover photo of the smiling couple. Acting through Victoria, who kept “speaking words of faith and victory” on the subject, Joel was led to build the family “an elegant home.” On other occasions, God intervened to save Joel from a speeding ticket and to get him not only a good parking spot but “the premier spot in that parking lot.” Why God did not swoop down with a sponge and clean up the offending stain on the armrest remains a mystery, because Osteen’s deity is less the Master of the Universe than an obliging factotum.

Plenty of Christians have already made the point that the positive thinking of Christianity Light is demeaning to God, and I leave them to pursue this critique. More importantly, from a secular point of view, it’s dismissive of other humans, and not only flight attendants. If a person is speeding, shouldn’t he get a ticket to deter him from endangering others? And if Osteen gets the premier parking spot, what about all the other people consigned to the remote fringes of the lot? Christianity, at best, is about a sacrificial love for others, not about getting to the head of the line.

If the Osteens’ brand of religion is what flight attendant Sharon Brown lost faith in as a result of being manhandled by on that plane to Vail, then the suit should be dropped, because Victoria Osteen has already done her enough of a favor.

Comments

[Rev. John]

Well stated. This pastor has been known to lose his cool, so I have sympathy for those you discuss. Many of us will quote you in a future sermon, especially, "Christianity, at best, is about a sacrificial love for others, not about getting to the head of the line."

[sohbet]

thanks a lot

[sohbet odaları]

very good wonderfull

[Howie Luvzus]

Amen!

This Christianity Light bears little resemblance to the one that said the first shall be last!

[jessica star]

I love the idea of Victoria Osteen "speaking words of faith and victory" to get her husband to build her a bigger house. I wonder what those were. Something like the words of victory she had for the flight attendant, perhaps?

[Martyn]

I am impressed with how you manage to present the theological divisions within contemporary Christianity, yet at the same time distinguish from a secular point of view how these ideas about the world are harmful.

[Chickensh*tEagle]

"Words of faith and victory." Best euphemism I've yet heard for nagging.

[JMarra]

I am at least as angry at Christians who refuse to take a stand against the Joel Osteens and Ted Haggards of Christiandom--an official stand, not mealy-mouthed "this has nothing to do with MY Christianity, I'm not like that and no one in MY church is anything like that, my goodness, no, we are REAL Christians"--statements that are both disingenuous and self-aggrandizing.

Christians are quick to tolerate eccentric and arrogant behavior among the richest church members--to cultivate them into their Boards of Directors, and solicit their money for church renovations and projects.

Asking Christian denominations to denounce accumulation of riches in this life might put material benefits to their own church and congregation at risk; to point out character flaws in their most wealthy members would rock the money boat.

"When you are rich, you are wise and you are handsome--and you sing well, too!" --Yiddish saying

[BlueBerry Pick'n]

Its not like we don't snivellingly suck up to anybody with MONEY in our culture.
gee, I wonder why they believe that money or 'might makes right'??

===
Last Fall, when I was returning from the bathroom on ONE trans-continental 'cattle class' AirFrance flight, we experienced turbulence.

as I hesitated to enter my seat because the geriatric gentleman in the aisle seat was almost finished his meal...
**the bitchy attendant who suddenly appeared behind me snapped, "GET INTO YOUR SEAT & stop 'wandering the cabin'!" **

[ wandering the cabin?! huh?? I only went left & around because the aisle between the bathroom & my seat was blocked by the attendants taking up the finished trays... My partner & I were bewildered. ]

I pointed out that his table was still down & he had an empty food tray on it & I COULD NOT GET INTO THE SEAT.

at that point, she demanded I "GET INTO MY SEAT, NOW!" I asked if she could *take* the tray so I could.

She snapped that I should "DO AS I WAS TOLD"

I pointed out that it wasn't my fault she was a bad waitress in a lousy service & that if SHE wanted to climb over a geriatric to get into the seat she could.
[I waived my right hand vaguely as I pointed out that my compliance & passage was blocked by both a slow-moving person & his dinner tray... ]
she notified me I was THREATENING HER & asked if I wanted Security to deal with me.

At this point I PICKED UP THE TRAY so I could get into the seat & -being somewhat gimpy myself- tripped over the geriatric arthritic gentleman.

2 hours later, I was *shaken awake* by a stranger in uniform who demanded if I was the person indicated by my seat placement. I removed my orange foamy earplugs & blinked blindly as I replaced my glasses for the eyemask. blinking in the overhead light in my face...

I asked 'who wants to know? & who the hell are you?'

"none of your business, answer the question"

"who the hell are you to ask me anything?"

"I'm the Purser, don't make me get Security"

at this point, my partner awoke & drowsily confirmed who I was.

I asked, "& where is this information going?"

"Interpol, we document people like you".

[HUH?!? We fully expected to be escorted off the aircraft.]

When we landed, the attendant opened the overhead cargo & a large package dropped on the head of the geriatric gentleman.

NOTE TO THOSE TRAVELLING BY AIR FRANCE -who never answered any of my complaint letters:
"I GUESS I SHOULD SPRING FOR FIRST-CLASS TICKETS."

┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄
BlueBerry Pick'n
can be found @
ThisCanadian.com
┄┄
"... tolerance of intolerance is cowardice... " ~ Ayaan Hirsi Ali.
"We, two, form a Multitude" ~ Ovid.
┄┄
"Silent Freedom is Freedom Silenced"
┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄

[bruce]

Good, well-executed piece without being mean-spirited like most commentary on the subject.
The Osteens just present one Image of several trillion Images of someone.
And since I just discovered your blog, your suicide/foreclosure view was spot on -- I saw the headline on several sites when first reported, and I myself wanted to write something on it, but the horror of the story itself was so great I didn't even want to find out the details (it's getting that as one studies current events nowadays, a lot of stories like that keep coming up)
The US/World is going to doo-doo in a big, old wire basket.
Good stuff.

[gaby]

I used to the be deeply bothered by TV preachers raking in all this money to afford such a luxury lifestyle and the behavior that goes with it. Nix love thy neighbor, helping the poor, providing true guidance to troubled people.

But I am not bothered anymore. If they are blessed with the gift of making people believe in the nonsense they are dishing out, good for them. Everytime I see a documentary on those preachers and the camera gives a shot of the audience I can't help but wonder: who are these suckers? That is this thing that does bother me, that there so many stupid people who cannot seem to tell the difference between religion and a moneymaking scheme disguised as religion.

[roger]

" this has nothing to do with MY Christianity, I'm not like that and no one in MY church is anything like that, my goodness, no, we are REAL Christians"--statements that are both disingenuous and self-aggrandizing. "

given the minuscule number of persons who earn large amounts of money preaching either doctrine or worldly philosophy, i would say that there are large numbers of truly pious christians who can, without any disingenuousness, declare that what some television evangelists are preaching is not their christianity and that they are not like that. I belong to a congregation with a lay ministry.

[ryandake]

my father used to tell me that if i wanted to make a lot of money, i should start up a church :-)

[Jennifer]

I actually think this post misses the mark.

Victoria Osteen's problem isn't that she's a Christian (prosperity gospel or otherwise). Her problem is that she's semi-famous.

Celebrities are constantly misbehaving in public because they're rich, famous, feel entitled, and most of America coddles their sense of entitlement.

Osteen just wasn't enough of a celebrity to quite get away with it and the Osteens' transparently self-serving Jesus hucksterism only serves to make the whole thing seem more hypocritical.

I'm familiar with Osteen Christians and I think a lot of churches (even if they formally denounce the "prosperity gospel") see him as benignly irrelevant.

Osteen speaks the familiar languages of self-help jargon and Evangelical jargon, so his character (which is clearly a performance) makes any pastor who denounces him look like a big, humorless weenie.

Too bad Sharon Brown overshot on the lawsuit. All the witnesses are siding with Osteen and Brown is obviously gold-digging.

Which means the Christians will now have a fresh story to feed their persecution complex.

[Monica]

Other passengers and a pilot testified in Ms. Osteen's favour. See
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080814/ap_on_re_us/osteen_s_wife_lawsuit;_ylt=AqftHpqZtyryeNmKXF20bBWs0NUE.

On the other hand, to the flight attendant, this minor incident may have seemed like the opportunity of her life. An opportunity to make money, of course. And I know they have a hard job, but what kind of flight attendant is that who won't even clean a spill or remove some cheese?

[Steve]

When I read what passes for Christianity these days, it makes me glad I converted to Judaism. Now if we could get those Rabbis at the Iowa Kosher slaugherhouse to fess up to the error of their ways ...

[Brian]

If you just look at pictures of Osteen and the flight attendent you can pretty accurately guess they aren't going to get along too well together. Osteen seems like someone wealthy's wife(like Caddyshack the movie)and the flight attendent looks like someone out of South Los Angeles who actually works a job for a living. Its a natural conflict, and I find it hard to believe Osteen would just start punching away, but it was more a misunderstood slight shoving and pushing match. The attendent just didn't want to clean it up. And Osteen was offended figuring for the fee's she should get a helpful waitress and was no doubt disappointed at what she got in the first place. How much is that worth?
Secondly, air travel brings out the worst in some people, the hassels, the paranoia, the jet lag, the time zones, the thinner oxygen. Age is a factor to and some people snap a bit like kids. Some snap a lot. Schuller, I guess another of northern european heritage just lost it because the attendent wasn't treating him well. I am sure if an attendent in either case sincerely tried to solve their customers problem, even if it didn't, but just with a positive "caring" attitude there would have been postively no conflict. Most of these people at the top of the Christian heirarchy feel like anyone at the top of their game entitled to a certain amount of fawning service from the help and respect from all comers. Its not that they feel like they are god's, just that they have made it to a Dominant station in life, but the smarter one's know they have to pay even the littlest of help well to keep everyone happy. This is what these two forgot. Even though Olsteen got a 3 grand fine, none of it went to the aggrieved attendent. So naturally she is going to "play the system" for all she can get but apparently is running into a credibility problem already. The solution is this. All passengers should have put tips of some sort in a tip box on the way out to tip the entire wait staff who will then divide it fairly. This creates a friendly service incentive for the attendents as well as a guilt box for the unruly passenger. It could be worth $50-100 dollars a flight to a good group of attendents. Plus the company should use employee assistance programs liberally with authority to give comp days off to complaining employees up to a point. You just need some safety valves to better manage the downside to air travel. Nobody goes into a flight thinking they are going to have to physically fight for their basic arrangements, so what happened was just one of those things. There are frequent reports of both passengers and rude attendents these days, but a tipping system would be an excellant solution. Also everyone should tip their waitress and waiters more as 10-15% just isn't enough nowdays. Try 20-25%. Once you go over the 20% mark they will always remember you and your service will improve exponentially.

[Flimsy Sanity]

The Shuller/cheese thing reminds me of the Life of Brian sermon on the mount where they are so far back they cannot hear what Jesus is saying. "What, did he say 'bless all the cheesemakers'?" "No, I don't think he would say that, I think he means all dairy products." Or something like that.

Loved this post. Losing one's religion should be worth billions as it means eternal damnation. How do you determine something so precious as eternal life - got to pay more than whiplash?

[Brian]

Well flimsy imagine the three stooges sitting first class with a surly flight attendent giving them grief. What do you think they would do? And wouldn't we be laughing and on their side? See, you are being an atheistic elitest here rather than a humanist.

[Flimsy Sanity]

As an apathetic agnostic, I think everything about religion is funny, even the atheists. When two opportunists go at each other such as someone claiming a push caused them to have piles against someone who bilks the emotional needy, it is just comedy gold to me.

[bibliochef]

this is swell; i have taught your work before in wmst contexts but may use this in my course on theory in religious studies where i am looking at religion and violence. maybe the real theme is religion and tempter tantrums

[Buena]

Funny and true.

Why is it that so many Christians don't follow the teachings of Christ?

If people would behave according to their religious tenets -- whatever their faith -- the world would be a far better place.

Imagine ...

[Alana]

I appreciated the term "Christianity Light". I had not heard it before. For lack of a better term, I had been calling the many pastors who preach pop-psychology instead of the Gospels of Jesus Christ, "Pseudo-Christians".

[Anarcissie]

Buena: '...If people would behave according to their religious tenets -- whatever their faith -- the world would be a far better place. ...'

That depends on the tenets (which are pretty contradictory in most religions) and what you think "better" would be.

In any case, the tenets of Christianity and the teachings of Christ are two different sets of things. In spite of Jesus's rather pacifistic teachings, the most devoutly Christian parts of the United States have been also the most nationalistic and warlike. I will leave this to the Christians to explain.

[lc2]

I have a request ... Barbara, your reaction to the Dem Convention, please. Also maybe some comments on McCain's memory lapse re homeownership.

Thanks in advance.