Freshpersons, Welcome to Debt!

Welcome to Fleece U., where our mission is to take feckless teenagers such as yourselves and turn them into full-fledged citizens of our economy, meaning, of course, debtors.

Many life-changing things will happen to you in the next four years. You will make lasting friends, including perhaps the love of your life. You will drink more than you ever thought possible and bitterly regret it in the morning. You will lose your virginity, if you happen to have brought it with you.

Our stellar faculty ardently hopes that along the way you will be amazed by calculus and charmed by the tipsy conversation between Alcibiades and that wily old radical, Socrates. There is also a general expectation that you that you will come out of here with some hazy notion of spelling and grammar.

But never forget that your real purpose here is to shake off the pointless freedom of youth and assume the burden of debt. To this end, we have just raised our tuition in an attempt to keep up with such top-of-the-line institutions as George Washington University (now weighing in at $39,210 a year, or $50,000 with room and board). You will find us also charging a plethora of additional fees – a “student activities fee,” a “technology fee,” and an “incidentals fee.” In addition, we will be experimenting this year with a “snow removal fee,” a “lecture hall seat-use fee,” and the installation of pay toilets in the dorms.

It would be short-sighted to resent these fees, since they provide valuable experience in bill-reading, and will come in handy when you confront your own personal monthly utility statements. At present we do not charge any additional tuition for this training in bill-reading, though we are considering adding a special “fee fee” in the future.

Another thing that will help ease you into the status of debtor is the price of your textbooks – about $120 to $180 for a new, graffiti-free copy. True, this seems high when you could buy a hardcover of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for $20 or less, but the aim is to teach you that a book is something to treasure (and, again, we charge no extra fee for this lesson.)

On average, you will graduate with a respectable-sized debt of $20,000, which will enable you to establish your all-important “credit history.” If we have succeeded in our educational mission, you will be a first-rate debtor, capable of making minimum monthly payments much of the time. As fresh offers of credit cards and home equity loans pour in, you will beam with pride at your achievement.

Please note carefully that Fleece U degree cannot guarantee you a future income that will allow you to pay off your debts. Many of our most promising graduates are now, three or four years later, working for $8-12 an hour serving up lattés, counseling disturbed youth or creating business computer networks. They are set for a lifetime of debt, and we are proud that they first began to accrue it right here, on our lovely mock Oxfordian campus.

We don’t have to remind you not to stigmatize debt as a condition associated with poverty. In 2006, for the first time, the average household’s debt exceeded its income. By becoming a debtor, you will have entered the American mainstream! We have confidence that you will go on to mature effortlessly from college debt to car loan to mortgage to medical debts occasioned by the ever-growing gaps in coverage.

You will see the value of all this debt when the day comes, as it inevitably will, when you wake up and ask yourself, “Who am I and what am I doing here?” You will be tempted to take long walks, read the Upanishads, or try out for a new career as a trophy spouse.

In a crisis like this, you could easily spend thousands of dollars on life coaching and motivational DVDs. But you won’t have to, because you’ll have debt to keep you going. You will get up, shower, and toil faithfully in your cubicle year after year until, in the fullness of time, your family acquires the debt for your interment (at which point we trust you will have remembered Fleece U in your will.)

So think of debt as the great motivator. Think of it as our gift to you. Because for at least the next academic year, we are not even thinking of charging for it.

Comments

[Dawn]

Thank you! I hope you will continue to scrutinize the underhanded ways so many colleges fleece their students and offer less and less for higher and higher costs.

I enjoy your humor and irony and turn of phrase, even while the truth is a bit painful.

When a degree from any college is necessary to open the door to a good job -- at some companies one can not get a janitorial job without an associate's degree -- the frustration and difficulty and expense, yes, of obtaining such a degree becomes nearly impossible for many of us. Thanks for shining your light on just one of their dispicable practices. Colleges/universities have a monopoly on education -- what a shame there isn't an alternative.

Dawn
www.wordsogold.blogspot.com

[Patia]

This is really great. It is so true the way student loan debt shackles us to a future of middle-class servitude.

One thing, though: Public universities should not be blamed for fleecing students. It's the lack of state and federal support that has caused many to increasingly resemble private universities in their funding sources.

By the way, if anyone's hiring, I have a BA in journalism and a brand-new MFA in creative writing. The university I've worked for for the past 10 years can't afford to keep me and my student-loan debt.

[CanadaKat]

Ah, Patia

Just so everyone's clear, GWU is a private university, not public.

Good one, Barb!

And I thought the course in "therapeutic horseback riding" was free....

However, you forgot my favourite fees.

Having paid through the nose for the privilege of largely teaching myself (hello...copying down notes from a board, or listening to a 'Prof' recite what I can read in a book is NOT education), I then have to cough up the fees for the papers to prove it!

[Anarcissie]

As the prophet Tennessee Ernie Ford saith,

"St. Peter, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go,
I owe my soul to the company sto'!"

And you thought that was just some quaint remnant of the bad old days.

[gaby]

You know, I could accept the ever increasing cost of education, perhaps even fleecing up to a point, if the payoff of it all - a good job with decent pay and benefits - wasn't such a utopia.

[Larry In Barcelona]

I have mixed thoughts on this post, but one thing is certain. I have several colleagues and other acquaintances who have decided to enroll their kids in CDN universities, with cost being a primary concern.Even though an American is considered a "foreign" student and is charged roughly double the tuition for "native" CDNS, most still see this as the most cost effective way to obtain a quality education without going further into the poorhouse.

It is shame that this has to happen. No doubt you have some excellent schools, but why are they so bloody expensive? A student shouldn't be burdened with such massive debt after graduating, even though Mom and Dad thought they put aside enough cash years ago.

[Hattie]

I really think increased funding for public schools is the answer.

[CanadaKat]

Larry in Barcelona:

The cost of education is, indeed, costly.
However, in Canada we do not have private universities. The costs to attend in Canada, whether native or not, is about on par with non-private universities/colleges in the States.

One glaring difference though. Here in Canada, there is tight regulation on accreditation of both universities and colleges. While someone could try to set up a 'university' and call it such, without gaining accreditation, no other school in Canada would recognize it. No employer either.

In the States, there are different levels of accreditation and, on top of that, accreditation is voluntary.

Which can make it very difficult for the would-be student to figure out where to go in the US for a truly quality education.

One other glaring difference. At the grad level, it's much easier to obtain student loans in the US than in Canada.

But then, maybe that's just par for the course.

Encouraging more debt in a debtor nation.

[CanadaKat]

Hattie - your comment:
"I really think increased funding for public schools is the answer."

I agree. But if it's going to come out of my pocket - and it will - I want to see some increased accountability from the schools.

While a degree in, say, sociology, may give someone sound knowledge, it in no way helps to prepare most of our youth for the working world they will find themselves in once they have graduated. Nor does it necessarily help them to earn enough income to pay back student loan debts.

This is why I prefer, and support, applied education - the kind that combines academics with practical knowledge and practical experience.

Don't get me wrong. I believe strongly in education for knowledge's sake - knowledge is powerful.

But I would never encourage my kids to choose a BA in Sociology only, or even first.

[Tysyacha]

Why would a janitorial job require an associate's degree? No one would want to go into janitorial service if they had to go into debt to empty garbage cans and do all the "down and dirty work" that most professsors don't do unless they're in their own homes.

I am extremely grateful for all the things I learned in college, and also for the "hard-knock" life lessons. Never again will I blow $20 at a single stretch trying to improve my pinball skills. Never again will I open another pre-approved credit card envelope unless one of my other cards is cancelled. Most of all, never again will I underestimate the enslaving power of sky-high tuitions and fees. With the salary I make now, I'll be lucky if I can afford more than a few Russian classes (if I wanted to take them).

Once upon a time, only the wealthy and intellectual elite (priests, bankers, teachers, etc.) could afford to get an education. Public school is still free, but what jobs only require a high-school diploma nowadays?

[Larry In Barcelona]

CanadaKat stated:"One glaring difference though. Here in Canada, there is tight regulation on accreditation of both universities and colleges"

Exactly why two of my colleagues are enrolling their offspring at McGill in Montreal and U of Western Ontario.

Much better bang for the buck.

A good way to check a school's validity is to see if they offer up a good medicine program. Chances are if the med school cuts it, the rest of the programs might be pretty solid.

[Millard Fullbore]

Here's George Carlin's take on education:

http://www.alternet.org/blogs/video/61955/

[delia]

You could always come to Penn State, where tuition and fees will cost you almost $6000 per semester--and then there's the books....

[CanadaKat]

Tysyacha writes:
"Why would a janitorial job require an associate's degree? No one would want to go into janitorial service if they had to go into debt to empty garbage cans and do all the "down and dirty work" that most professsors don't do unless they're in their own homes."

Ya know, maybe having to have an associates degree just to do janitorial work is not so far fetched.

I'm wondering if the explosion of available online education (particularly in the States), especially for higher degrees, might mean that in the not-to-distant future everyone will need a PhD just to flip burgers at McD's.

Just as long as there's no more MBA's. Please. Pretty please.

Seems everyone I know, and their brother (mother, sister, grandpa), already has one.

And I really don't want to have to get a DBA just to be greeter at WalMart - "Welcome to your choice for cheap plastic, have a nice day"

Pardon me while I run, screaming, from the room.

[CanadaKat]

Larry in Barcelona writes:
"Exactly why two of my colleagues are enrolling their offspring at McGill in Montreal and U of Western Ontario."

Your collegues have made great choices. They will get the bang for their buck.

However, I admit I am biased.

Then again, I have been on both sides of the desk in both the US and Canada and, if anything, my bias has only been strengthened.

[Andrea]

There may be a better solution: trade school.

Hear me out.

High School students want to go to school so that they can get good jobs and earn good money. An entry level job driving a truck pays fifteen dollars or more per hour, and offers health and dental insurance, 401k, paid vacation and a pension. The hours are long and there is physical labor involved, but no one asks you to attend employee development meetings to learn to "think outside the box" or use other buzzwords meaninglessly. You can learn to drive a truck in eight weeks for $1600 dollars, and no one can stop you from listening to books on tape while you're stuck in the rush hour traffic on route 80.

If you don't care to drive a truck, you can go to Culinary Arts school. This is really the best bang for your buck. Culinary Arts school has the highest entry level salaries, best graduate job placement records and best chances for promotion. Chefs regularly become celebrities. Also, restaurants are not the only places for employment. Corporate centers, private families, hotels, spas and all kinds of service industry establishments keep an in-house kitchen. Culinary Arts school is a bit more expensive and can take as long as two years to complete, but you're going to make your tuition money back in the time it took you to spend it.

All manner of options are open. Programs for medical technicians, manicurists, electronics technicians, auto mechanics, plumbers, secretaries... I could go on and on, but we all know why most high school students don't want to go into these programs.

It appears socially inferior to the college degree.

The secret that no one tells these potential college students is explosive: the average truck driver walks away from his truck with his dignity and integrity intact. He has not had to give more of himself to his job than he receives in compensation. A great many white collar workers would envy that if they knew.

[CanadaKat]

Andrea:

Very well said.

Although I think you overstated the possibilities for a chef a bit. Think the plethora of cooking shows lately paints a far better picture than reality. I suspect many more Culinary Arts grads end up as lower paid line-cooks for many years, not celebrity chefs.

But your overall point is well taken.

You are also right about the perception of colleges as being 'lower' than universities. This was the case when I did my first degree, 25yrs ago. Too bad. And trades can be so lucrative too.

Colleges in Canada also - although they cannot grant degrees (instead grant diplomas - equivalent, I would think, to the US Associates Degree)- focus on 'the trades'. Always have. Here, they are considered to be between high school and university in terms of academics.

A few of the best, and more forward thinking, are now collaborating with universities to provide comprehensive, applied, learning. An expansion, if you like, of the style of a few programs that have historically done the same thing (think nursing, teaching).

My daughter will be entering such a program next year. After five years, she will leave with both a 4yr degree and a diploma. Academic rigour plus hands-on training plus practicum job experience. In other words, she will have the knowledge, the skills, and some experience - she will be 'job ready'.

The very best of all worlds and I know she will get the greatest bang for the bucks.

[CanadaKat]

Delia:

It costs 6 big ones for just one semester at Penn?

Wow, learn something new every day!

That would get you two semesters at most Canadian universities.

[Dawn]

Actually, the janitorial anecdote was true. According to HR they apparently think it shows the person is 'trainable.' I guess a high school diploma isn't trainable enough for cleaning bathrooms....

Dawn

[Anarcissie]

People who go to colleges and universities to get degrees are not buying knowledge, which is available elsewhere. They are buying class position.

As class difference becomes steeper in the U.S., class position becomes more valuable, and therefore more expensive, especially since scarcity of supply is enforced.

For many people, investing the same money in trade school or tools, or in a small business, might yield much more return on investment, but the kind of person to whom this advice is relevant usually knows it already.

[Jeff]

Students: replace "debt" with "investment" and be proud that so many are willing to line your pockets for such an uncertain return... ;-)

[Tysyacha]

CanadaKat,

What would you suggest for me? I have a physical disability and take public transportation, so truck driving is out. As for culinary school, I am also very accident-prone, and murder-weapon-size knives make me more than just a tad bit nervous. I had to go to the E.R. twice because I was clumsy with knives and glass.

I'm one of the riffraff, the true undesirables and unemployables from a corporate perspective. You wouldn't believe how many rejection letters I got from companies who "truly appreciated my applying" and "wished me good luck finding employment elsewhere." As for regular college, I couldn't cut it. Flunked out twice. Not going back.

I have a job now, but it's funded by a State grant that lasts from year to year. I'll shut up now in case I sound like a drama queen (which I'm sure I do), but any suggestions?

[BW]

When I graduated in 1969, it was still feasible and common to work one's way thru college and come out owing nothing. Zero. Zero compared to any debt at all is a pretty big difference. Now, it seems my old schoolmates are in charge of the universities. See what they learned!

[CanadaKat]

Tysyacha:

I think Andrea's point was that there are cheaper, and quicker, alternatives to obtain a decent paying job, and then 'work your way up' from there if you wish - at least, I think that's part of what she was getting at.

Also, Andrea is right about colleges, trade schools,etc., being looked down on. Yet,here, college is about 1/4 of university costs for a year - in other words it may be a great alternative. And, let's face it - not everyone is strictly academically inclined (especially in their youth)yet parents often push their kids to choose the more 'academic' university.

Unfortunately, it looks to me like today's 'good' job market is tough and harsh - seems you either need a professional certification of some sort and/or a higher education. Even with a higher education there is definitely no guarantee, hence the high numbers of persons with Bachelor's and Master's working at low wage, service industry, jobs.

'course, with so much outsourcing, the service industries seem to be the only ones on the rise.

You can get your education in North America but you might have to move overseas just to find work.

And, no, you don't sound like a drama queen. There is discrimination everywhere - age, gender, disability.

About 10 years ago, in an interview for a position the first question I was asked was "are you planning on getting pregnant". No joke.
I walked out.

I don't have an answer for you - wish I did.

[CanadaKat]

Tysyacha - "Once upon a time, only the wealthy and intellectual elite (priests, bankers, teachers, etc.) could afford to get an education. Public school is still free, but what jobs only require a high-school diploma nowadays?"

Needing more than a high-school degree has been the case for at least 30 years now. When I graduated high school in '78, the only jobs available without higher education/certification were in service industries, retail, etc. One saving grace was the availability of good-paying manufacturing jobs - especially if they were unionized.

It's still the same now, only worse. And unions have all but disappeared.

Most of my graduating class had to leave town to attend university and most incurred a small debt to do so. But it was a very small debt. Back then, it cost me $2500.00 per school year, for everything-including room and meals. I was able to pay off my small loan debt (I worked throughout school) within a year.
Now, to 'go away' to school costs a minimum of $11-14K per school year.

Given that wages have been pretty much stagnant since the '70's, if not gone downhill, it's no wonder so many parents and/or students go into huge debt.

We may be going back to the 'days' you mentioned - when only the elite can afford school. Only it won't be only the intellectual elite, just the financial elite.

I wonder: would adopting what some other countries have done make any sense - specifically a system where the most costly of higher education is free but students have to meet set high school GPA's to qualify?

That would probably create howling protests from those who don't want their taxes raised (the money has to come from somewhere)at the very least!