What It Feels Like To Be Poor

by Holly Redmond

After a couple months of having hardly any food for the last week of the month, I learned to budget. I can stretch two hundred and seventeen dollars out over a month for a family of three. My baby doesn’t eat solids, yet -- he’s exclusively breast fed, at six months, but when he does, I’ll likely go to Salvation Army or a garage sale and pick up a food processor, to make all of his food. Every night, one of us throws a load of cloth diapers -- prefolds -- into the washer on cold with about a tablespoon of dish soap. We own our home, a pre 1950's fixer upper and our payments are roughly four hundred dollars a month. For a while, there, our utilities were anywhere from seventy five to one hundred fifty a month. We have window units, but we hardly ever run them. Ceiling fans and open windows don’t do a particularly great job of cooling a home, but, with energy prices the way they are, it’s the only way to go. At night, if it gets too hot, we’ll run the unit in the bedroom.

I learned to budget our food money so effectively from being on food stamps. When you only get a certain amount, you learn quickly. Two adults can scrape and survive on water and ramen, but a seven year old cannot. Being a breast feeding mother, my caloric intake should be a certain level. It’s not, but I do all right.

I have argued with myself over how I wanted to write this. “Write about what it feels like to be poor, but keep it short,” I keep chanting in my head. It’s a lot easier said than done, really. How do I explain to people who are convinced that if you only manage your money properly and use common sense, you’ll be all right? We both use more than a little common sense -- we have to, or we wouldn’t survive -- let alone, “be all right.” It hasn’t been “all right” since a promotion that was supposed to come didn’t; it hasn’t been “all right” since I fell while pregnant and got put on bed rest -- no, it hasn’t been “all right” in quite some time. When your income is a little over a thousand dollars and your essential bills add up to almost two thousand -- there’s not much ‘money management’ wiggle room. Common sense will tell you to “Get a better job!”

What if you don’t qualify for a better job? Those commercials about online schools make it seem like a dream come true -- just train at home while your kids play! If you’ve ever tried it, you know that’s a fat load of crap. My fiancé is 30 hours away from his teaching degree. His job is the big source of income, and he works from eight a.m. till five p.m. He needs classroom time, and he can’t get it. I dropped out of school in seventh grade. Vocational Rehabilitation is willing to send me to school, however, I need to work to pay the bills.

How does it feel to be poor? Be excited about doing something you never thought you could -- returning to school after almost thirteen years of not seeing a classroom, get enrolled, and all set -- then, find out you need to go flip burgers instead.

Hold your two week old baby and try to beg a utility technician not to shut you off in the middle of winter. Sure, it’s going to be above freezing this couple of days, but this is Missouri! Take cold showers because you cannot afford to pay the gas bill.

Lay awake at night and wonder if this will ever change, because you made the steps to change it, only to get kicked back down.

Listen to some jerk say that you’re poor because you are ‘lazy’ after you stayed up all night with a sick kid, spent the day caring for an infant, and then went in and worked a shift at a fast food place being told what to do by someone seven years younger than you -- and then, watch your fiancé collapse on the bed from watching your kids while you were at work, on top of a physically demanding job. Try not to punch that guy who called you ‘lazy’ in the face, because even if you are only making minimum wage, that money is needed.

Don’t get me started on idiots who tell me I “Should make him get a better job” or “You should have hooked up with someone with more money”. Apparently, when you aren’t poor, you can be shallow. I’m not so sure the trade off is worth it, to be honest.

Then again, one more smart remark from my manager, who happens to be nine years younger than me, and I just might decide that depth is beneath me.

That’s what it feels like.

Comments

[Jacqueline]

I can 100% relate! I overcame MUCH in order to get the almighty college degree in a "marketable field" only to find that as a woman who is no longer thin, young and pretty and as a woman who was out of the workforce for several years due to a disability, I wasted my time and effort, going into $54,000 of federal student loan debt that I will NEVER be able to repay (unless I win the Powerball jackpot)which has gone into default because you are only allowed 36 months of deferments - even if you are STILL unemployed/under-employed long after that. Student loans used to be wiped clean with a bankruptcy filing. Not any longer. I think we have all been duped and cheated.

[Jacqueline]

I can 100% relate! I overcame MUCH in order to get the almighty college degree in a "marketable field" only to find that as a woman who is no longer thin, young and pretty and as a woman who was out of the workforce for several years due to a disability, I wasted my time and effort, going into $54,000 of federal student loan debt that I will NEVER be able to repay (unless I win the Powerball jackpot)which has gone into default because you are only allowed 36 months of deferments - even if you are STILL unemployed/under-employed long after that. Student loans used to be wiped clean with a bankruptcy filing. Not any longer. I think we have all been duped and cheated.

[Holly]

The new bankruptcy laws have scared me senselss. We thought about it, for a little bit, until I REALLY looked into it.
Nooo, thank you.
As someone who has really yearned to go back to school, I can't really say I see what you did as a 'waste' so much, but it is REALLy unfortunate that happened to you. And common. I hear this alot, really, as many of my friends are college grads who are unable to find work. And these are in 'marketable' professions, same as you.
Kind of makes me wonder, given I am a soon to be 'art' major. ;-)

[donaldduck]

If you hadn't had kids it probably would be alot easier.

[Davey]

I like how Barbarah is rich and thinks she knows what its like to be poor.

[TC]

Note to Davey: this article was not written by Barbara, it was written by a woman named Holly Redmond.

[Holly Redmond]

"If you hadn't had kids it probably would be alot easier."
Ya think? Boy, you're an astute one, aren't you?
It's very hard, in 8 to 800 words to really give you my whol eback story, there, but let's just simplify, shall we? You do not know my backstory, nor do you know anyone else who you may find it cute to slam for being poor and having kids. Justifying myself to someone who calls him/herself "donald Duck" kind of squicks me, so we'll leave it at that- before you judge, realize, everyone has a backstory.
I think this also applies to Davey's comment, as well.

[bifemmefatale]

Hey donaldduck? So what would the income threshold be for reproducing? Having enough to put your kid thru college? Get real. Sure it'd be easier without kids. The fact is, she has 'em, I have 'em. Birth control fails, jobs disappear, life happens. Few people *plan* to raise their kids poor. No one who loves their kids would wish a life of hardship on them. But life is not neat and tidy, and you make do with the choices you have. Shall I go kill my kids now because my circumstances have gotten worse since I had them?

[Kelly]

donaldduck,
That was a very simplistic comment for an issue that has been unsolved since recorded history. Life is always easier, practically speaking, without kids. Is it better? Is it happier? That depends on the individual. The truth is, you don't know anything about Holly's lifestyle prior to her pregnancy. If she had been well off before being on bedrest, would that make a difference to you? But you see, it's not your business to know and it's not your place to put a pricetag on another person's life.

[Suz]

I hate to say it, but "donaldducks" run in and out of serious conversations just to stir up trouble. No, evidently they don't understand the subject matter so the simpleton answer is the only one they're capable of. They are gleeful at their name in print and probably didn't read 2 sentences of Holly's article.
To not give this ignoramous any more credence, I would like to air a frustration in regards to the subject that I find as a human service worker:
Why do we have poverty and starvation occurring in the land of the free and the home of the brave? I have contacted every agency and church locally to look for aid for people in OUR community suffering. I get leads to other places that go absolutely nowhere. My favorite is a church's response, "Ma'am, our missions predominantly go overseas." Ergo, "If we can look huge in the public's eye and generate more funds for more similar trips, screw the community!" I am sickened and dishearted pretty much on a daily basis when I have contact with someone who is not looking for a hand out, but a hand UP! No, poverty does not see race, age, level of education, it does not mean the ones suffering are addicts or trying to scam the government.
I'm not sure where to start the change, but sheer spirit and motivation will always triumph over evil. I am attempting to make it my life's work. Don't know how well I'm doing, but there are others like me. Please, if you're suffering, contact a counselor or someone at a social service agency. See what services are available to you and your family. Seriously look for a hand up. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

[Terry]

You're going to have to quit your job and get your high school diploma. There's no way around it. Unless you are Peter Jennings, you will not succeed without a high school diploma. You will continue to work in fast food/retail/domestic.

It shouldn't be this difficult, but it is. :) Good luck. Peace and happiness.

[Terry]

It's also a possibility that you will continue to work in fast food/retail/domestic even with a high school diploma. But... you will be helping yourself more than you know.

[Holly Redmond]

I actually have my GED, and will be attending college starting in the spring semester- sorry if that wasn't clear from what I had written. ;-)
As to just up and quitting a job to get a diploma- of any sort- when you have a family to help support, the odds of that happening are virtually impossible. If you are on government assistance of any kind, and have no disability which would get you into a VR program- you lose the assistance- so quitting and getting on something like TANF or whathaveyou in order to go to school can't happen in any feasable sense.
Even with my disabilities, and being in VR, it's difficult to be able to find the time. I still have to work to help support our family, and it's either work when he's off (Which means opposing shifts, he works days, so, a night job) or try to find a job that pays well enough to do more than just cover the childcare during.
I wish it were as simple as many people seem to think it is, just go back to school and get it done, but it's really not.

[gaby]

I can relate to that trapped feeling. Even if you bite the bullet and choose school, just letting debts pile up, by the time graduation comes around and the first job is found, you will be so indebted, also with student loans, that it will feel like nothing has been accomplished at all. You will be just as poor, or even worse off, that before.

And I think that is a real tragedy. Yes, with a college degree you are most likely get a higher paying job, but the debts wipe out any gains you make. I used to be a big champion of higher education, now I am more inclined to urge caution, to do some real thinking and figuring before jumping on the student loan band wagon. Should you do choose higher education, stay away from business. Choose something practical like nursing, medical coding, or other specialty subjects.

[Dian]

Holly,
What would you change about the "system" if you could, to address the crummy gaps in your life?
-- Dian

[Terry]

yay! that's awesome that you are starting college.

I am sure more people could get a leg up here in America if there was a better way to get free quality day care for working mothers (not on a waiting list) or low cost au-pair system like they have in France. I am sure it would allow lots of people to put some money in the bank each pay check instead of spending every penny.

Also "stay at home" moms need a break. It takes a village! :)

[Holly Redmond]

The temptation to make a political satire here, is admittedly very strong- however, I do not have to, the system does that quite well on its own.
I am not well educated, politically- so bare with me. (BOY am I getting a crash course, though!) When I fell, we went to the local DFS office to see about maybe getting a little help, during the the bedrest and post partum recovery- we were told that we would not qualify- UNLESS: Matthew abandoned me, OR, he quit his job or was fired.
Now, for us, either way was pretty repugnant. Not to mention- and I could be wrong, but TANF would only pay about two thirds what his job does, a month. However, for a two parent family of the same size as ours- whose sole income is from a minimum wage job- the income would be potentially around 200 MORE a month than from their paycheck.
You don't have to really know alot about politics to know that it doesn't exactly encourage gainful employment, now, does it?
Secondly, though VR has deemed me disabled via extensive testing and past medical history, DFS does NOT consider me disabled and therefor, the manditory psychiatric services that I require via VR while going through the stressful school-parenting-work life, (Which would be stressful to ANYONE, let alone someone with my disabilities) come straight out of our already empty pockets.
So, one, I would most definately make the system offer better incentives for work, as well as, oh, I don't know, maybe have them work together to encourage people to up the earnings potentials via higher education. As it stands, like I said, had I NOT been disabled, going back to school would have terminated all eligability for me to recieve any benefits from the state- which, when you consider how time consuming school can be, makes it difficult for a person to obtain a job on top of that, while raising kids. And no job and no benefits- how would one support themselves while trying to better themselves?
Now, this all applies to a DOUBLE parent home- I cannot imagine how incredibly hard, nigh on impossible it would be for a single parent home.
The Vocational Rehab program, in my experience, is absolutely the best program the government has, at this time. However, as I said, if you aren't disabled, there is virtually NO help.
Even with the program, we're havign a hard time getting off assistance, because honestly, the only job I could get right now, would be fast food, or something similar, at minimum wage. I'm being incredibly and perhaps unrealisticly optimistic to think I'd be getting forty hours- so, that comes out to about 824, before taxes.
Now, in order to not completely lose my mind (Try to imagine taking care of an infant and a seven year old on no sleep.) we would have to put my seven month old in childcare. Even with a friend helping us out by giving us a break, that would probably run about 75 dollars a week- 300 a month. We currently recieve 266 a month in food staps- but the job would cut that to almost nothing- so, ontop of the 300 a month, tack on another 200 a month in groceries.
I won't get into gas prices, or any of the other stuff, because I don't have to. When you do the math, there'd be 324 dollars left over, after all of that. Now, our monthly 'essential' bills- house payment, utilities, car payment, insurance, water, bare minimum- that's about 2,000.
So, let's see:
His income: 1,200
Mine : 324
------------------
1,524
I'm not seeing a whole lot of incentive to let someone else raise my kids, here.

Now, to address another agency bone of contention- WIC.
They have cute posters about breastfeeding, they supposedly support it, however- here in my own county- population 40,121 as of 2005 census, THREE breastpumps to help nursing mothers return to work. THREE.
I know, because when my cheapie pump I had died, I called and found out. They told me to call up the local hospital's medical rental- and I found that it would cost me 80 dollars up front, and 40 a month, after- to rent a pump.
I don't have the statistics, but I can guarantee you that more was spent giving people formula, than was educated them on breastfeeding.
I know for a fact it was nationally, and I can tell you from personal experience that if I had a dime for every uneducated excuse I have heard, just being around town- why a woman couldn't breastfeed- I wouldn't have been able to write the commentary above.
And I have to ask myself why, because when you consider the fiscal reasons ALONE, breastfeeding makes so much more sense.
Add in the health reasons, and Medicaid would see a signifigant drop in pediatric office visits, as well as hospitalizations- to say nothing of the work absences that this would diminish in mothers who DO nurse their infants.
And one more thing- the only protection a nursing mother has in the state of Missouri is a vaguely worded "You can nurse wherever you want- as long as you're discreet!"
So, when I went back to work..I was stunned to not only have no place to express milk, but absolutely no support, whatsoever. I was told I would have to bring a doctor's note.
This is getting quite long, so in closing, I'll sum up.
What would I change? Darned near everything.
Forgive me if I am not one of those who will whine and cry about 'th' system' and NOT give you bullet points as to how it could be changed.

[Kat]

I know Holly and I KNOW that despite her situation she's always been willing to help others when she can. I'm sickened that when she needs help she is unable to find it. If she lived closer or I made more money I'd help her out a lot more than I've tried to. That's what friends do.

[barbsright]

Holly, don't take out any student loans to go to college, otherwise you could end up like Jacqeline who posted her terrible experiences with them here. Also, you may want to take the CLEP tests (I think that is what they are called) to get credit for knowledge you have gotten from previous education.

[Bren]

Its sad to see someone that knows how to express themselves so well and clearly in writing not able to get a better job. You are clearly highly-intelligent, and I am suprised by your comment that you dropped out of school in 7th grade (although I don't consider myself much smarter than I was then...). I am currently a finance/accounting double major on a full academic scholarship to a private college, with an internship that pays $14+ an hour where I put my feet up 16-24 hours a week to work at a computer. Reading "Nickel and Dimed" has made my appreciate my life so much more - not to mention change me from being someone who wholeheartedly opposed any form of welfare to someone willing to support responsible programs. Thank you, and best of luck in your situation.

[Holly Redmond]

Actually, it's kind of interesting- I did take some tests at the local community college and will be taking the CLEPs rather soon. They're pretty certain I don't need quite a few cleasses, which came as a pleasant suprise!
I have been really flattered by all the comments about how suprised people are by my education level, but, at the same time, it's funny because I know a number of people who are exactly the same way. :-) Thanks so much.

[Jacqueline]

Holly, I would not want to dissuade you from going to college. But please be aware of the possible risks you face (like age discrimination once you got your degree and re-enter the workforce) should you need to take out student loans to pay for any portion of your education.
This is what happened to me (please bear w/ me, I know it's long, but it's a reality that needs to be told to warn others):

It all began when I was left disabled at age 24 back in 1991 when I was hit by an uninsured driver who was "judgment proof". Prior to that, I had just started out in a high paying union skilled construction trades job (I was the only woman in the plasterers & painters union then). The accident left me with permanent problems with both knees and my back where I cannot stand for any length of time or bend over repetitively or lift. That ruled out waitressing, Wal-Mart greeter, and even McDonalds jobs. I filed for social security disability but was denied because I was "too young" (I was 24 back in 1991)and didn't have enough working year credits paid into the social security system. Because I wasn't a crack addict, an alcoholic or a single mother, I didn't qualify for any help at all from welfare either, even though I had no money, no income and no way of being able to earn a living and had health problems. I was sent by the social security bureaucrats to see someone at PA OVR, the state agency that is SUPPOSED to help the disabled get re-trained and get placed in new careers - which ended up being a real joke.

I met with the intake caseworker at the local Allentown PA OVR office and had a skills assessment done. I had been pushed through the public school system. I was in special ed since 7th grade all the way through high school for having learning problems (I have a learning disability - dyslexia)and thus did not have the academic capabilities beyond the 4th grade level even though I was a high school grad. Yet, these clowns at OVR told me I needed to "just go to college to learn something else to be marketable and have a new career". When I asked them to please look at my high school records, told them that I am learning-disabled and if I couldn't grasp basic math - never mind algebra and trig - in junior high and high school, how the hell could they expect me to "just go to college" - especially when I had no money, when I was eating in soup kitchens as a poor disabled woman with no family support network? The response I got was: " You can't use your learning-disability as a crutch. It just means it will take you a little longer. Now, if you do what we tell you to do and get a degree in computer science, we will help you. We will place you in another good job that as a disabled person you CAN do. But you have to make the effort and try hard enough. There's no free ride for excuse-making slackers. If you fail it will be your own fault that you're poor for not trying hard enough."

Well, I DID try. I tried a hell of a lot harder and for a lot longer when most others in my boat would have tossed in the towel. I started out having to go get literacy help first. Then I had to go to community college for remedial level classes for the material I couldn't grasp in 7th through 12th grades and struggled to get through them successfully - often having to put in 8-12 hours into my homework because having a learning disability means you just can't grasp things as quickly and absorb as much at a time as everybody else. Of course, this meant I couldn't even work in a part-time telemarketing job while going to the community college. Since I was in my mid-20's and wasn't a high school merit scholar or football player, I couldn't get any scholarships. Thanks to the Gramm-Rudmann Bill passed before I was old enough to vote (remember, I'm a Gen-Xer and it was my parents' generation, the Baby Boomers, also known as the "Me Generation", who made sure after years of getting to have theirs that everyone else coming up after them wouldn't have any chances to get ours), Pell Grants were decimated to a minimum and many non-college type schools that might have been a better fit for someone like me were no longer Pell eligible.

So as a poor disabled woman, I had to take out student loans to help meet my education related expenses. Having to start out behind the 8-ball due to the learning-disability problem, it took me 5 years to make it through a 2-year community college starting out with remedial classes and finally graduating with a regular college course curriculum under my belt with an A.A. degree. As a dyslexic and an older learner, I felt that the math and computer classes were really too hard for me. I had an easier time in my creative writing and criminal justice classes. I told the OVR caseworker who was monitoring my progress that I really felt I should be going for a degree in pre-law and then on to law school because of the difficulties I was having getting through math and computer classes (which are a nightmare for any dyslexic). I told the caseworker how I was being denied the accommodations of extended time for taking tests by the professors - even though this caseworker said that under the A.D.A., I was entitled to this very reasonable accommodation. I endured ridicule from the younger non-learning-disabled students (smart enough to get into college straight from their college-prep high school classes but not smart enough to refrain from making fun of people with disabilities and problems, go figure!) Of course, the OVR worker's response to my concerns was "You just have a negative attitude. It's your negative attitude that will let you fail. you just have to keep trying. No, law school is not an option for you. The job market need is for IT people, not lawyers. Either you do this OVR's way or you will not get any help with job placement from OVR." Being poor and disabled with nothing and at the state's mercy, I forged onward to transfer my A.A. degree to Kutztown State University to complete my B.A. in math/computer science - just like I was told to by the OVR "experts".

I transferred my community college degree credits to go forward towards getting my bachelors beginning in August, 1997. I was 30 years old by then and already out of the workforce for 6 years since my accident. Since not all of my A.A. degree credits were accepted for transfer, I had to go to school an additional 3 years instead of 2, which would put me another year behind the 8-ball of not being able to re-enter the job market. My entire time at the university was fraught with professors treating me like crap because of having a learning disability they didn't feel they should have to accommodate and ridicule and bad treatment from the younger, smarter, faster learners I felt out of place among in all my classes when I had to ask questions they thought were dumb - and they let me know it, too. Of course, I was closer to the top in my classes (except for C++ which I failed twice due to my dyslexia so I substituted that for a course in Visual Basic, which I aced)so I was managing to keep up with the best of them.

Then, in my junior year in 1999 when I needed to take Advanced Calc I (it was a prerequisite for other classes I needed to graduate), the school canceled the class for lack of enrollment. Since less than 10 students enrolled in the class, the math department arbitrarily canceled the course for a whole year, which put me behind schedule for graduating yet another year. Then the same thing happened with Abstract Algebra II in 2000, which was also required in order for me to graduate. This put me a total of 2+ years behind schedule for graduating. I looked into taking those courses at another school, but because I would not be matriculating (graduating) from the other schools that DID offer these two courses, I would have had to come up with over $2000 out of my own pocket instead of getting financial aid to pay for these courses I needed to graduate. I had no way of coming up with $2000 on my own to pay for these two courses at Muhlenberg College so as to keep my Kutztown University graduation date only one year instead of two, behind schedule. My only other alternative was to get the professors who respectively taught those 2 classes to teach the material to me on an I.I. (Independent Instruction) basis. The one professor was the math department chair, Mr. Bateman. I approached him about teaching me Abstract Algebra II and explained, very concisely and thoroughly, the urgency of my situation being 100% reliant on student aid for my education, for my degree that was supposed to be my ticket back into the workforce. His response, sent to me by email (which I still have a copy printed out in my personal records file) basically stated that because I wasn't a gifted student able to maintain straight A's due to my having a leaning disability, I wasn't academically "worthy" of his time to teach me this required course on an I.I. basis. The other professor who taught the Advanced Calc II class was much nicer to me but told me she had a policy of NO I.I.'s for any students because professors were not paid their regular salaries for teaching a whole semester-long course in an I.I. set-up so she apologetically declined to teach me the other course I needed.

I complained to the President of the university. Got nowhere except told, "I'm sorry. But the Professors' union has a contract clause called "academic freedom" so they can pretty much do whatever they want and there's nothing the administration can do about it. Looks like you might have to start over again with a whole new major. I don't know what else to tell you except I'm sorry." I had to fight all the way to the Chancellor's Office in Harrisburg, PA (the Chancellor oversees all state colleges) to get some resolution to this matter, which I did. The University was forced to allow me to substitute the Abstract Algebra II and Advanced Calc II classes with Operations Research I & II (an intense, graduate level applied math course involving real life projects) which I got an A and B in respectively.

Thus, I finally did get to graduate at age 35 on May 19th, 2001 with $38,000 in student loan debt from Sallie Mae, PHEAA and William D. Ford Direct loan programs combined - 2 yrs after I should have been able to graduate and re-enter the workforce. I was out of the workforce for exactly a decade at that time, having to compete at age 35 against 23 year yr old non-handicapped kids with no experience in the same field I struggled and fought so hard to get my degree in for jobs that, to my dismay, were being off-shored faster than I can type on my keyboard.

With my $38,000 in college loans in deferment, I wasted no time in sending out resumes, attending job fairs and when I met with my OVR caseworker, he presented me with clipped out classified job adds that were over a week old and told me to check up on and apply for those jobs. This was the "help" with job placement OVR was going to give me - after suffering through 10+ years with no medical & dental care, no resources, no ability to earn a living, struggling to get a college degree in what THEY told me to get as a condition of getting helped with job placement! I finally managed to get hired as a stockbroker (which is a commissions-only paying high-stress job with no health, unemployment, workers comp or retirement benefits) by a brokerage firm in 7/2001. But a few months later, the 9/11 attacks messed that career opportunity up for me, so once again, I was left unable to earn a living and was facing very bleak prospects of getting any kind of "real" job because of the age discrimination I am up against in the job market being that I am now middle-aged and no longer a skinny young piece of "eye candy".

I am now going on 40. I never did get any chances at all for a job in that field, not did I get any chances for any other white-collar entry-level professional type job paying a living wage with health benefits so that I could support myself, get the health and dental care I desperately need that I had been without for over 15 years of my life, and repay the $38,000 in student loan debt I was on the hook for - all for trying to do "all the right things" and do what I was told by the "experts". Since you are only allowed a maximum of 36 months of deferments for unemployment/economic hardship, whether or not you are able to get a job that pays enough to meet your basic needs plus make the student loan repayment schedule, my loans went into default after 4 ½ years of enduring a fruitless job hunt which yielded me nothing. My credit is destroyed and I'll never be able to recoup. I have no savings for my own old age, and no healthcare - but I can't get Medicaid either because I don't have any kids. No one will give me a chance for any kind of good job that pays a living wage with health benefits and a stable paycheck (salary instead of commissions-only) because I am middle-aged, have been without a job since 2001, and despite making super human efforts to get another job after 9/11, I now have ruined credit because my student loans went into default when I couldn't begin repaying them because of not getting any chances for jobs so employers hold that against me, too.

A year ago, the William D. Ford Direct Loan Dept of the US Dept of Ed offered me the option to consolidate all my student loans so I could go on an income-contingent repayment plan. But any unpaid interest (mine is locked in at 8%)was capitalized so now my student loan debt is at $54,000 and growing because I simply don't have the opportunity to earn enough money to meet my basic needs and repay them. And being older, I know I'll never get any chance for a good job so I can make it thanks to off-shoring and age discrimination ensuring that too many people like me who have been economically left out get kept left out, poor and screwed over.

Because my student loans went into default, I can't qualify for any job placement program through the local unemployment office under the WIA (Workforce Investment Act) to get different job training with job placement in anything else like the medical field, although I am cynical that it would help me be more employable than I was at age 35 five years ago when I graduated with my "marketable degree" because if nobody would give me a chance and hire me then when I was 35, my chances certainly aren't going to be improved the older I get and I am now going on 40. The only "job opportunities" that have been made available to me are commissions-only type sales jobs so I scrape by on food stamps, selling insurance, with no help for medical and dental care and not enough income to keep my utilities from being shut off. There is no way I can afford to repay my student loans.

But ending up in this boat with defaulted student loans wasn't my idea when I got injured 16 years ago and was told by all the "experts" to "just go to college and learn something else" when they promised job placement and help. That OVR caseworker and others like him continue to get their decent paychecks, their health and dental benefits, their paid vacation and retirement accounts with scheduled raises all on the taxpayer dole - whether or not their "guidelines and advice and job placement programs" results in people like me having our lives go further down the toilet, with no hope for anything better than dying young from lack of access to healthcare, stress from poverty and ending up out on the streets or living in our cars, and our own eventual meager social security checks garnished for student loan debt that we couldn't repay because we couldn't get any good jobs.

In sum, the banks, Sallie Mae, the corporations who have lied to us and kept us jumping through more and more hoops to be "worthy" of jobs that they continued to off-shore or otherwise take away from us leaving too few jobs for too many needing jobs, the state employment and disability agency “experts”, the self-centered tenured and coddled state university professors and administrators in the higher education racket who make big bucks from student aid and taxpayer coffers - whether or not you can benefit, and the politicians in bed with all of these cretins ought to be held accountable for destroying entire generations in this country. Anyone in favor of re-introducing the guillotine and storming the Ivory Towers like the Bastille?

You may contact me about this, publish my story and quote me verbatim. I am available and willing to testify in front of a congressional committee on this matter.

Jacqueline S. Homan, Erie PA tel: (814) 452-4844

[eternalsquire]

I have a better suggestion: we need to remove employment as a prerequisite for human dignity. Read Dorothy Day for details, but in a nutshell: the worth of any person is intrinsic, and doesn't depend on that person's usefulness. It therefore follows that we need to become a welfare state again, imposing univeral welfare regardless whether one is man, woman, or child. We need to increase personal and corporate income taxes to cover the cost. We also need to impose a federal property tax upon all persons and corporations. We need tough laws to forbid capital flight overseas and to enforce these laws vigorously.
It is time to WAKE UP, notice that we are back in a cleverly disguised 1930's -style Depression, and go back to "soaking the rich".

[eternalsquire]

Donaldduck,

Astute observation, but you are forgetting one major point: corporations WANT workers to be childless, young, and healthy because they are cheaper that way and easier to churn.

In other words, by tailoring your life to making it easier to yourself to survive in this world by being childless, you are basically reinforcing the corporation's power to make all workers disposable, including yourself.

[Holly Redmond]

Jacqueline, wow- first off, never worry about long-windedness with me, as I read quickly and am also long winded. ;-)
I completely understand what you are saying, and it does scare me, a bit. However, I feel I need to clarify a few things- I am attending school to obtain an art degree, so, I already have that going against me. *snicker* The long term goal of that, is that I will be a better tattoo artist, because of it. If I cannot find a shop to work in, after that, then I will simply say, "BALLS!" and open my own- I'd employ a more experienced artist, to teach me what I need to know. I have no plans on tattooing until those things are established. I have a plan. *chuckles*
Another thing- school is a little more than just a way of increasing my income generating qualities, for me. It's a personal growth milestone. It's..how do I say this..it's hard for me to look my son in the eye when I say, "You can do anything you set your mind to!" when I have, in fact, not lived up to my own personal potential.
If that makes any sense. Also, I need to point out that VR is going to be paying for my education, I have no idea about the loan ramifications, but you did bring up an excellent point for me to ask about at my next meeting.
As for the naysayers I've had to deal with on my choice of majors- (couple of FUN emails on that one.) I was born with a few small talents. I was not born with the ability to build buildings, network computers, or apparently, to deal with people in a largly socially appropriate manner. I tend to speak my mind before I filter what should and should not be said, and that upsets a large majority of the population. I am also heavily tattooed- the bulk of that done when I was alot younger and only had ONE career goal in mind- and that career goal has not changed, however, I am realising now that I made myself even less hirable for doing it.
Again, retrospect isn't going to pay my utility bill.
I am an artist. It's all I really know or want.
I never even had the faintest interest in politics, until I started to realise- sure, I can do all of this, even acheive my goal and be able to tell my sons they can do what they want to, if they just try hard enough- however, in a country where we are supposed to be able to do just that- there are ALOT of barriers in doing so.